Huge product launch… something we’ve been working on for, well not even for a week or so but feels like pretty much our entire tech lives… with the launch of ‘Cortexana’ the most advanced history prediction machine! (?)
Want to know what happened 10s of years ago with an at best moderate level of accuracy? Well, get ready to time-travel with Cortexa. It’s like taking a ride in a DeLorean, but without the flux capacitor. Great scott!
๐ Past-Predicting Power: Cortexa’s old-school tech mixed with tomorrow’s tricks means predictions that’ll make you go “Whoa, dude!”
๐ค Chit-Chat Flashback: Remember those old IRC chatrooms? Cortexa’s chats feel like a throwback, but with a future twist! ISeekYou indeed….
๐ฎ Pet Psychic, Old-School Style: Cortexa’s pet powers are like something out of a ’90s slasher movie - think “Home Alone meets Scream” but with psychic pets; like Point Break but when Gary Busey when wasn’t nuttier than a nutbar covered in cashews.
๐ Tasty Time Warp: Cortexa’s recipes are like your least favourite gran’s cooking, but with a sprinkle of tomorrow. And lots of salt. Taste the nostalgia!
Get ready to party like it’s 1989 with Cortexa - where yesterday meets tomorrow. It’s well hip and super cool.
Tech specs
๐น๏ธ Processor: Cortexa thrives on the classic Intel 386 processor. If it’s Itanium so much the better. (RISC version coming soon.)
๐พ Memory: Cortexa runs smoothly on a mere 40 kB of RAM.
๐ฅ๏ธ Display: Cortexa’s interface is optimized for VGA display with a resolution that’ll take you back to the days of pixelated bliss. 60mhz refresh on a CRT? NAILED IT.
๐ก Connectivity: Anything faster than 14.4 baud is wasted.
Cortexa - embracing the beauty of the past while paving the way for the future. Get ready to experience tomorrow with yesterday’s tech!
#Cortexa #RetroFuturism #BackToTheFuture
By Matt Thornton
Mattโs biggest (and most irritating) asset is his attention to detail. Whether itโs spotting bugs in code or spotting grammatical errors in other peopleโs work, Matt will find it and tell you about it.
Usually with an obnoxious smirk on his face.
After a long spell at University honing his analytical skills, gaining a PhD in remote sensing and computer science, Matt has spent the last 15 or so years applying them in Guernsey.
Donโt interrupt him if heโs in the zone - usual signs are air drumming, fixated stare on random object and/or swearing prolifically - unexpected behaviour may will result.